It's always been you
by starsallaround
Summary: As blair reached the day of her marriage.. all her past lovers came and reminded her of their past. She felt something is missing and yet she can't figure it out what.


author's note: hey there! since we are experiencing bad episodes since 5x08. here is what I thought about blair's upcoming wedding.

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><p>She was looking at her image infront of a mirror, she looked at herself so many times before and for such, many men from her past appeared at her back...but for now it was only her. She wanted to be happy, but she knew deep inside something was missing. She just can't figure it out what. She hated the feeling of unknowing something because she, blair waldorf, always knew everything. She closed her eyes and wonder why she can't feel the happiness she always wanted. Her dream fairytale wedding will finally take place a few hours from now, but yet she still feels empty. She closed her eyes and wonder ... going back to every memory she has that will soon be disregarded once she became a princess.<p>

"You look beautiful" a voice came from behind. Blair opened her eyes and saw the blonde handsome guy she first fell inlove with or thought she did... Nate archibald.

"That's nice to hear from you archibald, speaking of someone who only likes older woman now a days" she teased. she turned around facing her once lover.

"It's ironic isn't it?" nate asked, eyes fixed at her. He smiled and took her hands from it fold on her waist.

"What is?" she asked confusely.

"You at a wedding" he replied. he looked at the ring in her finger. "I always thought it's going to be me and you. Never saw it coming when you marry someone else rather than me or chuck."

Blair smiled and answered "Yeah... I guess it's always been us that was planned. I even wrote guest and arrangements before for our dream wedding, who who'd have thought I got to use them to a different wedding"

"I'm happy for you blair" he told her sincerely. "as long as you're happy" he added knowing the look in her face stating how confused she was. "are you happy?"

Blair blinked and unable to answer. Is she happy? she asked herself. She should be...after today she's going to be a princess anyway.

"yes I am" she lied.

"well I guess I have to let go of you to finish your make-up" nate turned back and as he reach the door, he turned to her once more and stated " choose what makes you happy blair. that's what I always adore about you... you follow your heart more than your mind" with that last sentence, he smiled and left the bride.

Blair looked at herself in the mirror and asked,_ is he what's missing?_

she shooked her head and told herself not to be distracted. Her dreams are finally going to happen and she should be happy about that.

She glances at the door and saw the love of her life standing wearing white tux looking at her with eyes full of want and sadness.

"chuck..." she gloomiy greeted.

"you look perfect" he replied still staring at her but now walking towards her place.

"you shouldn't be here" she quickly responded.

"I have to see how you look, I wanted to know if youre okay... i needed to know how you feel" he took her hand and saw her engagement ring.

"I'm fine" she told him or she more on told herself. looking at the man she once love, the man who caused her baby to die, the man who sold her for a hotel, the man who cheated on her with that spoiled little j... she felt no hatred but rather awaken her senses that something is really missing inside her. She thought if she sees him she's going to know what's missing, yet she still has no idea.

"right on the day at the empire state building, I wanted to propose to you. Ask you to marry me" he took the ring out of his pocket.

"why are you saying this to me?" she asked him confused not on what's happening but on what's she's feeling...still empty.

"because i love you blair. I always will be"

"I know..."

"always choose what's best for you blair, even if it's not me who will make you happy, just choose what makes you happy rather than the one that is right" chuck ended their conversation. he kissed her forehead as blair closed her eyes and he walked away.

_Is he what's missing?_ she asked herself again. She shooked her head and looked at herself in the mirror. She's confused and scared. For the first time in her life she doesn't know on what to do. tears fell from her eyes; She tried to comb her hair but still she feels pathetic... she wanted to be happy, she needed to be happy and yet all she could think of is how all this seems so wrong. She sat down and looked at the ring on her finger. It made everything worst, because no matter how beautiful it was, it can't fill up all the emptiness she feels. She cried and cried...

"you shouldn't be crying" a voice came from behind.

She looked up and saw a brunette man, wearing black tux and a vest. his hair was primmed properly. He cleaned up good for a man from brooklyn.

"I saw chuck leavin your room" he continued. "having second thoughts?" he asked. even if it breaks his heart, he would rather let blair be with chuck rather than the prince he knew couldn't make her happy.

"with chuck? no..." she replied at ease. Whenever dan is around, she could feel she could be honest. She could tell him everything without him judging her motives.

He walked closed to her and wiped the tears from her eyes using his thumb.

"about last night..." blair started before dan interrupted.

"I know I shouldn't have said that, done that. but I just have to, I don't ask something in return.." he told her looking at her ring. "If the prince could make you happy, then I should be happy for you even if it breaks my heart"

"dan..."

"you will always have my heart. You'll always be my muse. you will always be dylan's claire... What I told you last night was the whole truth, remember that, as i would remember and treasure what happened last night" he pressed his forehead against hers. Tears streaming from both their eyes. "I love you blair waldorf. "

he turned around and left with last words "I'm going to let you go..."

She stared at he path left behind by the brooklyn prince, she felt more empty and remebered what happened last night...

_**[flashback]**_

With only courage in hand, dan walked inside the waldorf's penthouse and to the second floor inside blair's room. He saw the brunette sitting infront of her mirror wearing a red dress, so beautiful that made her look like a goddess. She looked up and shocked at the sudden presence of him.

"humphrey, what are you doing here?" she asked glaring at him.

"I need to tell you something" he mumbled.

"Do you have another book to publish and indicates we had sex?" she sarcastically asked.

"No.'I don't want to write a book anymore about you" he stood at her door still staring at her,

"So?" blair confusely asked.

"remember when you asked me about you saying those three words, eight letters to chuck 2 years ago?"

"yes?"

"I told you to make a risk" he now walked towards her and blair stood up and diverted from him. She stood beside her window at looked at him.

"You shouldn't be here" sounding as if she knew what he wanted to say.

"I wanted to make a risk" dan continued. he walked towards her slowly makin blair shake with fear.

"dan don't..." she tried to stop him, she knew if he step one more, she'll gonna break. Her walls that she put up so that he could go inside her mind will fall.

" I was writing my second novel... I tried to think of another muse, other than this brunette selfish, 95 pound girly evil that made my life turned hell back in high school." he looked at her. staring at her like this is his last time, he knew after this ... after his admittance he'll lost her as a friend. but he wanted to take a risk, he wanted to know how she feels. "But all I could think of was her. Her smiles, her laugh to the most uncomedic dialogue there is, her tears when we watch nights of Cambria" He took her hand from her side. She just let him knowing there's no point in holding back.

"I love you waldorf" she looked at his face and saw the sincerity she always liked about him.

"I love you I think even before I realized it. you made my life miserable, back in highschool and up until now"

"that's not entirely true. Were friends now" she battled diverting from his gaze.

"That's the reason I'm miserable. I wanted to be not friends with you anymore, i can't stand it! I break everytime I see you" he admitted. he walked to her closer, making the space between them little that they could both fell each other breathing.

"I wanted to touch you everytime were close, I wanted to kiss you everytime I see your lips, I wanted to be with you as long as I can" he touched her shoulder and stared directly to her eyes. "don't marry the prince waldorf..." he pleaded.

Blair can;t hold back, if she won't push him away now, she might never had the chance to suppress her feelings. "This is madness!" she shouted and pushed dan away. "leave now humphrey!" she ordered. But dan just stood there staring at her.  
>"you know I can't do that...that's my social suicide" she declared. She sat at the edge of her bed and looked down.<p>

"I'm trapped. I can't walk away" she admitted feeling lost and defeated. Days ago she started to question her marriage. She wanted to call it off but louis told her that she'll lose everything if she did. "I'll lose everything" she added.

"You'll always have me" dan declared and kneeled infront of her.

"How could you love someone like me? I'm evil, I'm selfish and mean"

dan lifted her head and smiled, "because you're the most honest woman on earth." blair smiled in return and hugged the brooklyn boy.

"I'm sorry" she whispered. Tears fell from her eyes.

"It's fine..." dan answered with voice full of hurt. "just promise me one thing?"

"what?"

"before you say I do tomorrow, think about the life you'll have after. Don't think about anything else.."

"humphrey..." she wanted to tell him how unsure she is on this marriage, she wanted to tell him how much she wanted to runaway. But she can't, she may want to runaway but she can't jeopardize her status.

He held her hand and hugged her one last time. She closed her eyes the whole time, treasuring the moment that she may have last with the brooklyn boy. As he break away and walked towards the door, blair breaks and lay in her bed crying to sleep. It's as if his confetion made her lose her now-boy-bestfriend. It made her realize how wrong her marriage is.

_**[end of flashback]**_

With her arms clinging on her father, they both walked down th aisle towards the front where the prince awaited for her. She walked slowly and remembered every moment she has before this wedding happens. She saw everyone, eleonor, serena, eric, lily, rufus, cyrus, princess sophie, beatrice, penelope, hazel, some W people, more from monaco, but he was not there. The person she most of all wanted to see. She wanted to look at him one last time but he's not there.

_Is he what's missing_? she asked again herself.

"daddy? am i doing the right thing?" she whispered.

"are you happy?" her father then asked. She didn't know the answer to that question. as they reach the end of the aisle, her father hugged her and whispered "there's a difference between doing what is right and doing what will make you happy... now is the best time to choose what will make you happy" he then turned to the prince and uttered "this is what is right" the prince looked confused but didn't care.

Blair knew her father was giving her a message. As the priest started his words her whole world started to fade, all she could think of are moments she had before,_ the thanksgiving she first met dan, her first time with chuck in the limo, the fake first time she had with nate, the moment after the photoshoot at the hallway with dan, the time chuck bass said "i love you", the kiss she and nate shared at the duck pond, and last night as dan finally admitted he loves her._

She heard louis say I do and her mind returned to the present as the the priest turned to her and asked her, "Blair Waldorf, do you take prince louis grimaldi as you lawfully wedded husband, through sickness and in health till death do you part?"

then she remembered what dan asked her last night

**_"before you say I do tomorrow, think about the life you'll have after. Don't think about anything else.."_**

She saw herself wearing a royal gown, trapped inside a castle, following every orders princess sophie has, stuck in monaco wih no friends to talk to, and a husband leaving every now and then for a royal meeting.

"No!" she shouted. Everyone behind as buzzing about her response. She looked behind and saw her father smiling and nodded, she searched for her mom and she too smiled and to serena who beamed up with joy. Wih the three of them approving her decision she turned back and run away from the prince, she could hear him shout his name with his pathetic accent, but she did not care, the person who was missing was not here and she intends to find him. She opened the door and cameras from paparazzi came flashing infront of her but she did not care. This is the best decision she ever made with her life.

She spotted the car they supposed to ride after the wedding and went inside, she told the driver the destination and it took of immediately. She knew with all those cameras flashing, gossip girl might have known what happened and sent it to all UES.

She reached her destination and looked at the building she was about to partake, she smiled knowing that she made the right choice.

She reached his apartment and knocked at his door.

"dad is that you? you're early!" someone shouted from behind the door and when it opened blair saw a stunned brooklyn boy, hair messed up with a bottle of beer in hand.

"Is that the way to let go?" she asked sarcastically. She slip inside as the boy still stared at her with shock.

"What could I say, The girl I love was about to marry a prince an hour ago and yet here you are infront me which makes me confused. " he walked towards her and pinched her face " Is this real?"

Blair laughed " yes I am real" she answered. She held dan's hand which is still on her cheek.

"Why are you here?" he asked still confused. "Are you married?" Blair shooked her head causing dan to grin.

"remove that grin from your face, it's disgusting: blair teased. Dan put his other hand to her cheek and smile.

"this is real. Why?" he wanted to know her reason. He wanted to hear it from her.

"Last night...you told me to think about my future with louis. And I didn't feel happiness." she opened up to him, letting him know how she truly feels. "My happiness lies somewhere else"

Dan feeling full of it grinned high up to his ears and teased " so is it here in brooklyn"

Blair glared at her signaling him to stop teasing, "I think I came to the wrong place" blair remove his hand from her cheek, pretending to be pissed and tried to walk away when dan held her wrist and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you waldrof!" he pulled back and leaned in to her, pressing his lips to hers. Blair felt relieved and happy. All this time, as she seek for her happiness it was only here in brooklyn wearing flannel shirt and jeans. And all this while she kept on thinking what was missing, and here it was all the time was _**his kiss.**_

She breaks the kiss and whispered "I think I'm inlove with you cabbage patch" She leaned to him and kiss him full on the mouth. As their mouth intertwined, Blair felt that everything doesn't matter as long as she has dan... She will not lose everything.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading. comments and reviews are highly appreciated. follow me on twitter nereegirl **


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